Character matters!  Honesty, fairness, and integrity matter.  Integrity (dictionary.com) means adherence to a moral code; honest; a state of being whole; or perfect condition.  Where none of us meet perfection, the state of perfection is the hope of heaven – promised to those in Christ.  We will live best with character by following the pure model – Christ.  Purity is not something people often ascribe to themselves or others, but when it comes to our bottled water, it is comforting to see the word “pure” or “purified” on the label!  This is at least an assertion that the impurities have been removed – those chemicals and contaminants that are not desired for consumption.

Carl Rogers was known for the importance of alliance or relationship in therapy.  Genuineness and authenticity of the therapist have been noted to be particularly desired by clients and important for positive outcome.  Most people prefer to interact with others who might be characterized as genuine/ the real deal.  A multitude of research studies have noted the importance of alliance in therapy of which the therapist’s authenticity is a necessary ingredient.

Therapy is not always comfortable as it is not easy to face one’s own short-comings or make changes in one’s life.  The purification process for gold or silver requires quite a bit of energy and heat – not comfortable, but results are preferable to the unpurified ore.  A focus on having a pure heart (character and good intentions vs. deceptive and selfish) is a worthy goal.  Ps 51:10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast (right) spirit within me.

This beatitude contains the promise of seeing God.  For those with a Biblical worldview, being in the presence of God is longed for.  Ps 24:3-6  Who may ascend the mountain of the Lord?  Who may stand in his holy place?  The one who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not trust in an idol or swear by a false god. They will receive blessing from the Lord and vindication from God their Savior. Such is the generation of those who seek him, who seek your face, God of Jacob.

Happiness and contentment come to those who are willing to live by character.

​When you have done something wrong, the proper response is to feel remorse which fuels your willingness to make amends or apologize.  This behavior then paves the way for reconciliation of the relationship.  Relationships are important to us and unforgiveness will destroy relationships.  Make no mistake, unforgiveness and bitterness will destroy us, as well.
We can indulge in guilt and shame when we refuse to forgive ourselves, but this most often results in more ineffective behavior and painful emotions.  We are all fallible, but have the potential to learn from our experiences and change course.  Certainly it hurts when we have been wronged, but hanging onto a perceived right to punish (holding a grudge) also hurts and that injury is insidious in that it will literally destroy our own health and well-being. 
One can forgive by choice.  Forgiveness is the letting go of the perceived right to punish or apply a sanction for a perceived wrong suffered.  Forgiveness is a gift that you give yourself and the other person(s).  You can forgive all by yourself and without an apology being offered.  All of us are infinitely fallible and will do things that provide the opportunity for forgiveness.  Holding grudges is painful and no amount a vengeance ever makes a thing right, so we never feel justified.  Learn from experiences and make another choice that has the potential to result in peace within yourself and your relationships.

Luke 6 :38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
Col 3:12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
Matt 6 :12 And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
Matt 6:14-15 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

​I cannot say that I fully appreciate these verses, but what I do know is that the more we practice compassion and forgiveness toward ourselves and others, the more at peace we will be and the more we are likely to experience that compassion and forgiveness when we are in need of it.  No, it is not a linear axiom that if you are kind to someone, they will be kind to you.  It is a general principle that you will be treated better when you treat others well.
From the spiritual perspective, whether or not we are treated with mercy and forgiveness by others, we are promised mercy from God when we offer mercy to others.
It feels good to receive mercy, so let’s practice the golden rule and practice mercy for the good of others and ourselves.

Happy are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Most reading this have never really been hungry or thirsty in the same sense as those who are without or have inadequate food for lengthy periods of time; however, we do know the sensation we refer to as being hungry or thirsty. We might even say, “I am starving!”  If you have been physically active in this southern heat, you likely know what it is to be thirsty.   When hungry or thirsty, nothing will do but food and drink.  A good song, a kind word, a massage or a ball game will just not satisfy when you are thirsty or hungry.  It is with that kind of urgency and focus that we are to go after righteousness.  That righteousness is manifested in the person of Jesus.
Romans 3:10 “There is no one righteous, not even one;
Is 64:6a  All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;
Since none of us are good enough in and of ourselves - none of us are perfectly righteous; we are woefully inadequate and are in need of a Savior in order to experience forgiveness, self-acceptance and  eternity in Heaven.
John 10:10  The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full (in abundance)
Rom 5:17  For if, by the trespass of the one man (Adam), death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ!
God sent His Son in order that we might have eternal life (John 3:16) and He wants us to have an abundant life spiritually even while here on earth as we anticipate heaven.
Albert Ellis and other behavioral health theorists and practitioners knew/know that we people are generally happier when vitally absorbed in something outside of ourselves – a creative interest and/or significant interpersonal involvement.  The Bible encourages us to be other-focused, but our tendency is to focus everything toward us (self-centered) vs. focused on the object of righteousness, Jesus.  Behavioral health practitioners encourage clients to be other focused as that tends to positively affect their outlook.  Behaving in a pro-social manner is certainly beneficial in itself, but it lacks the ultimate power as no matter how much one might try, none of us even live up to our own standards all the time.
Acts 4:12  Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.
Jesus is the only way to have that spiritual hunger and thirst satisfied.  We may try to satisfy it in other ways and may even fool ourselves into thinking we are satisfied, but at some point, we will be disappointed.
Hunger and thirst after righteousness.  This is a path to happiness.  We may not be happy about everything, but we can have a steadfast contentment and faith knowing that God is in control and loves us.  With this comes acceptance and peace.

Happy are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.  Meekness is often confused with weakness, but a gentle, self-controlled individual is generally admired.  Jesus encourages meekness with the promise of benefit here on earth – not just an after-life blessing.  Meekness implies submission to God as that submission will be most beneficial in one being able to manage one’s anger.

Meekness implies a calm spirit, one not easily provoked, not given to excessive/ unhealthy anger.  Proverbs 15:1 tells us that a soft or gentle answer turns away wrath – encourages peace, in other words.  So, one who is able to provide that soft answer would be considered meek.  A meek person maintains control of his/ her temper even in difficult circumstances.  A meek person is not week, but assertive when the situation calls for it.  They are not demanding or vengeful.  The payoff is more peace in one’s life and a calmness even in stormy situations which is only possible when one knows that there is a loving God in control regardless of how it may seem to us humans.
Ps 37:11 But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.  Our world certainly needs peace, calm, and cool heads.  This meekness pays off in that we have better relationships, comfort and better health.  Research has consistently shown that trait anger (those who are angry about many situations over the course of their lives) have more heart problems and die at earlier ages on average.

Ecc 7:8-9  The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride.
9 Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.
Eph 4:31-32  31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. 
Eph 4:29-32   29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
These exhortations are designed for our good.

The purpose of healthy anger is to motivate and energize us to address wrong behavior with a loving attitude – meaning that the action is intended for another’s good and the good of society.  What we do not have authority to do is take vengeance.
To help us respond to wrongs appropriately, ask the following questions:

1. Is this worth my energy?  Be careful who you seek out for consolation.  Venting is not helpful.  It often only reinforces the irrational, ungodly beliefs/ thoughts.  If it is not worth the energy, let it go and focus on doing something else while trusting God.  If it is, then…

1. What is the limit of my legitimate authority?Then….
2. What is the best course of action given that limited authority in light of my relationship with God?

(see posts on anger dated: 10/08/13; 10/20/13; 11/23/13; 01/20/16)

What? You are kidding, right?  Well, it does not seem right, but many “truths” tend to go against our natural perspective.
This is the second of the nine Beatitudes.  Happy are those who mourn for they will be comforted – Matt 5:4.

Behavior goes with emotion.  Emotions have purpose and, if nothing else, energizes and motivates behavior.  These “truths”, these beliefs, prompt healthy emotion; thus, healthy behavior.

Mourning is an individually unique process experienced within the context of one’s culture.  Mourning is a natural, normal emotional response to a loss.  The process of grieving is healthy in that one is able to place the loss in proper perspective and integrate that loss into their overall life experience/ journey.  Losses do not feel good, but feeling good in the short run is not necessarily the best for us.  It is in the long run that we may learn from, grow from and be able to appreciate life all the more.  This gracious mourning can lead to those blessings/ being happy or more contented as we expand our perspective.  When we lose someone important to us, who has poured into our lives, we can honor that memory by attempting to live out or provide for others that same blessing.  The ability to appreciate the meaning we derived from that relationship can motivate us to live well and even have greater compassion for others.

Inconsolable mourning is based on an untruth: belief that enough mourning will somehow make the loss return, not hurt or loose the importance and ignores that meaningful opportunities not only remain, but will emerge in the future.  Inconsolable mourning focuses on nothing other than the loss and ignores other aspects of our lives or future possibilities which can then lead to even more loss.

From a spiritual perspective, mourning is healthy when it prompts us to be remorseful regarding our own short-comings/ sin.  When we do something wrong, the proper response is to feel remorse which prompts the behavior of making restitution or at least apologizing.  When someone wrongs you, they apologize and you accept their apology; the relationship can be restored.  There was hurt experienced, but you are able to enjoy the relationship freely once again.  When we are in that remorseful posture with God, He has provided the way through his son, Jesus, for our relationship with God to be reconciled or restored such that we can enjoy that spiritual comfort of knowing that no matter our circumstances God loves us and that there will be an eternal, perfect comfort that is coming.

So, mourn well.  Experience the pain.  Allow the pain to motivate you to consider your spiritual condition, more fully appreciate life, and use your experiences to invest in others.  Then you will know how mourning can lead to happiness (satisfaction, contentment, meaning)!

Disclaimer:  Please remember that it is NOT my intention for this to be an exhaustive Biblical commentary or a full explanation on the topic from a behavioral health perspective.

We all long for direction, purpose and clear understanding about important life decisions and issues.  It seems to be rather inherent to desire to do something that makes a difference to someone.  We often confuse this drive with evidence of our self-worth, but the truth is our self-worth is more about our ability and responsibility to make choices that have the potential to benefit us.  In general, if we all were striving to make a positive difference in our world, we would all benefit.  When we want direction, we want it like the football stadium experience, but sometimes we get it more like the flashlight!

John 8:12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world.  Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”  (Context: Feast of Tabernacles where there were great lamps placed high in the temple courts tall enough to rise above the temple walls and illuminate the entire area.  This was a Fall feast commemorating the 40 years of wandering in the dessert and God’s provision and leading them out, so the festival focused on the blessings of the year.  Like with many celebrations there would be dancing and other activities into the night for which there would be light.)

Wisdom is the ability to apply knowledge and understanding.  We desire wisdom, because, the better choices that are made, the better outcomes that are realized – in more cases than not.  Proverbs 12:2 A good man will get favor from the Lord, but He will punish a man who makes sinful plans.  Good fortune and favor is definitely better than the alternative!

Let’s see what the Bible tells us about wisdom….
Job 28:28 And he said to the human race, “The fear of the Lord—that is wisdom,
    and to shun evil is understanding.”
Ps 111:10 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. To him belongs eternal praise.
Prov 9:10 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.
So, it would seem that wisdom cannot be obtained through human effort, but only in the respect and reverence of God such that we are accepting of direction in His Word (Bible).  Knowledge and understanding then comes with our knowing the Word and being willing to follow His desires for us.
Proverbs 8:10-11 10 Choose my instruction instead of silver, knowledge rather than choice gold,
11 for wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her.
Ecc 2:13 I saw that wisdom is better than folly, just as light is better than darkness.
Luke 21:15 For I will give you words and wisdom that none of your adversaries will be able to resist or contradict.
Choosing wisdom – the fear of the Lord – is in our best interest! Wisdom is available to us for the asking!
James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.
 
When we sense a lack of purpose in life, we tend to get dissatisfied or even depressed.  Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy has long taught (Albert Ellis) that human being generally do better when we are vitally absorbed in something outside of ourselves.  As a social worker, I often recommend that people try to do for others as a way to bring greater meaning and satisfaction into one’s own life experience.
Many times, maybe most times, we want very specific guidance and may elect to sit back doing virtually nothing until that is revealed.  All of us have purpose in Christ.  Some easily identifiable purposes are evident in the Word.  Examples are as follows:
Eph 2:10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (As long as He leaves us here on earth, He has something for us to do.)
Matt 25:40 The King will reply, “Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” (Purpose: to do for others.)
Eph 4:32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Purpose: to be kind and compassionate and forgiving.)
1 John 4:11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. (Purpose: Love our neighbor as ourselves.)
Matt 28:19-20a 19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptising them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.
2 Tim 1:8a So do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord... (Purpose: to talk about the Lord in whom we have our hope.)
Prov 12:22 The Lord hates lying lips, but those who speak the truth are His joy. (Purpose: to speak the truth.)
James 5:16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. (Purpose: allow others to see our vulnerabilities and pray for one another such that we can be positive support to each other.)

Summary of purposes can be found in this next scripture selection.
Col 3:12-17 12 God has chosen you. You are holy and loved by Him. Because of this, your new life should be full of loving-pity. You should be kind to others and have no pride. Be gentle and be willing to wait for others. 13 Try to understand other people. Forgive each other. If you have something against someone, forgive him. That is the way the Lord forgave you. 14 And to all these things, you must add love. Love holds everything and everybody together and makes all these good things perfect. 15 Let the peace of Christ have power over your hearts. You were chosen as a part of His body. Always be thankful.
16 Let the teaching of Christ and His words keep on living in you. These make your lives rich and full of wisdom. Keep on teaching and helping each other. Sing the Songs of David and the church songs and the songs of heaven with hearts full of thanks to God. 17 Whatever you say or do, do it in the name of the Lord Jesus. Give thanks to God the Father through the Lord Jesus.

For those of us who are children, spouses and/ or parents, here is some guidance. (Please do not get hung up on “obey”.  The generally accepted meaning here is that wives and husbands alike are to love and respect each other. If wives and husbands were both doing this, the relationship would be such that it would be beneficial to both individuals and too the children.)
Col 3:18-21 18 Wives, obey your husbands. This is what the Lord wants you to do. 19 Husbands, love your wives. Do not hold hard feelings against them. 20 Children, obey your parents in everything. The Lord is pleased when you do. 21 Fathers, do not be so hard on your children that they will give up trying to do what is right.

So, let’s pray for wisdom and set our minds to following the light Jesus has given us through the Bible and allow his Holy Spirit to teach as we go and continually illuminate as He sees fit – maybe like the flashlight (a little at a time) and maybe like the football stadium (a bigger picture is revealed at once).  In any case, we have enough light to realize purpose.  More will be revealed as we live out and fulfill what has already been revealed!

(Please refer to earlier thoughts about anger dated 10/08/13; 10/20/13; and 11/23/13.

The purpose of anger is to energize us to the degree necessary for us to address a perceived wrong.  This is the healthy anger vs. the unhealthy anger that prompts us to respond in ways that are not within our legitimate authority and are designed to harm others.  It is in the unhealthy anger that we create more problems for ourselves and others and do not appropriately address the actual wrong.

​We have all heard that we need to think before we act, but we rarely are told what to think!  I suggest the following:

1. ​Is this worth my energy?  Some things just are not.  We cannot address all the wrongs in the world.  We are far from perfect ourselves and the world is certainly not a perfect place.  If it ​is not worth the energy, let it go and focus on pursuing other worthy goals.  If it is worth the energy, go to #2.
2. Do I have the legitimate authority to address this?  Often we do not.  Other times our legitimate authority is limited. If it is not within your legitimate authority, then let the energy go and pursue other worthy goals.  If it is, then go to #3.
3. What is the best way for me to respond within that legitimate authority?  Remember your goal is to address a wrong and sometimes your response will not get the desired result, so do not take responsibility for what is not yours and it is not your responsibility for others to act well, fairly, etc.

Remember: You only need enough passion as is necessary to legitimately address the wrong and when you have done what you can do, let the energy go and pursue other worthy goals.

Generally, people are motivated by a “what’s in it for us” attitude which means that in order for us to make changes in our lives, whether that it to stop a behavior or to pursue a behavior, a connection/ awareness of potential benefits is critical.  All too often we are aware of the short-term benefits and less aware of the long-term benefits.  Short-term benefits can over time lead to increased problems or at least a shallow or hollow result – an example might be spending money outside one’s budget on routine basis in order to satisfy a variety of desires where there is immediate gratification, but over time debt overshadows that gratification and results in financial stress.

Motivation does not have to be something provided by someone or something outside ourselves and one’s poor behavior or dissatisfaction in life is not the result of someone else failing to provide motivation.  When motivation is viewed in this manner, such as one who is waiting for a raise at work in order to be motivated to do a good job or one who is waiting for their spouse to act a certain way before making efforts to love well, it can become an excuse for poor behavior placing the responsibility on others.  Indeed, external factors do often provide motivators for people, but these motivators are generally temporal.  Increased income, for instance, may be a motivator; but, generally that motivation dissipates rather quickly once obtained.

Motivation is not something that one has to wait on to show up.  Exploring what is important in life and making decisions about values is an evolutionary process as people experience life with their eyes wide open.  In other words, as people experience life on purpose, they tend to refine and revise their beliefs/ values as they collect information and understanding and try out ideas.  This is the maturation process in action.  Too often people live on automatic pilot just doing what others expect, rebelling against what others expect or just doing what they have always done.  This tends to result in a general dissatisfaction and disillusionment with that pursuit of happiness.  The more one behaves in keeping with their chosen values, the more in sync with themselves they feel.  People who are feeling out of sync with themselves often have not understood the power they have to make those value choices and to continually evaluate the long-term benefits. When one lives with the attitude that the world and others must anticipate and then provide desires and goals (that may not have even been fully acknowledged or articulated) they set themselves up for continual disappointment.

If you are feeling somewhat unmotivated, this is a great time of the year to make some decisions to evaluate/ re-evaluate your beliefs/ values and make some choices about how you might live those out in the coming year.  Ask what is important to me?  If you have trouble identifying those, you might do a Google search on values and beliefs to spark some thoughts.  Ask others you admire about their values and what serves as motivators for them.  Try some things out and approach this self-discovery as an interesting journey/ quest with the long-term goal of finding greater satisfaction and meaning in life.