Giving is a discipline that breaks the back of materialism.  The tighter we try to hang on to things, it seems, the more they slip out of our hands.  This is true for relationships and it is true for our money.  If we are controlling in our relationships, we drive others away and if we are too focused on hanging onto our money, we will be so anxious about losing it that we will not enjoy the benefits it is designed to produce.
The Macedonians were commended by Paul for their giving (2 Corinthians 8 and 9) and implies that they first gave themselves to God (Romans 12:1).  When we are poor in spirit (depressed) we would do well to look outside ourselves. Other times when we are so focused on getting all that we think we deserve or are entitled to we find that there is never enough to satisfy.
When we have our priorities right– God/ Jesus first – then we will find that the following is true:
Phil 4:19  My God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
Proverbs 11:28  Whoever trusts in his riches will fall, but the righteous will thrive like a green leaf.
Psalm 112:3  Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures forever.
2 Corinthians 6-8  Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.  And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.
Luke 6:38  Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

Giving a part is easy when you have already given the whole.

If you have been following this blog, you will recall that we have discussed

• Sharing new information
• expressing appreciation
• expressing affection
• solving puzzles
• making complaints

all of which make for a foundation of connection where there is safety in sharing the most intimate of thoughts, emotions, desires, musings, insecurities and fears.  Where as  the first three in the list above need to be purposefully practiced daily, puzzles will be on an ad hoc basis, and complaints reserved for major issues; this last skill will be likely the least frequent yet nonetheless important.
Since there is risk of ridicule, rejection and loss of respect; safety is necessary to feel free to share fears and insecurities.  The truth is we all have them and we are much better able to face them when we have the support of our closest companion, our spouse.  However, take care not to overly emphasize this aspect of this intimacy skill; but have an attitude of perseverance and triumph as you also take time to discuss your hopes and dreams.  I find this to be most satisfying over a cup (or two) of coffee sitting in bed early in the morning (with the TV off) before the rest of the household wakes or even better when on vacation and we are relaxed and can be unencumbered by the routine.
If you have not thought about this in a while, take some time to get out of the rut and think about new adventures in life and don't forget to express the love and appreciation and excited expectancy you have in sharing this with your partner.
Jesus said, "I have come that they might have life and that they might have it more abundantly."  John 10:10b
Let's dream big while we pay attention to the everyday miracles and wonders that go on around us all the time.

Reserve complaints to high priority subjects!  No one wants to be around someone who complains incessantly.  Use "I messages".  In other words take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings - your perceptioin vs. assuming a "right" position and blaming the other.  Ask specifically for what you want.
"When..........
I think ..........
I feel ...........
In the future, I would like .........."
Also, remember that there may be instances where your partner may not agree to your specific request which is when you refrain from demanding your way (like a 2 year old!) and work toward UNDERSTANDING and then negotiate for a resolution that will be as much of a mutual "win" as possible.  In the end, the connection with your partner is the higher order priority than getting what you want!
Principle:  When expressing a complaint, state the complaint without too much emotion and without attacking the other person (as factually as possible) and ask specifically for what change you would like.  If they are not willing to do that, negotiate something that might be satisfactory to both. Goal will be to end up with the relationship supported (come out on the other side holding hands).
Next: Sharing Hopes, dreams, insecurities, fears
 

When I was in high school and college I liked the challenge of "Brain Teasers".  Some of you love to do the crossword, Suduko and other puzzles in the newspaper.  In any case, puzzles are to be solved.  There is a missing piece for which you are searching and there is some satisfaction in successfully finding it.
Puzzles can be a problem in our marriages.  These are those times your first awareness is a sharp emotional pain (hurt, anger, guilt, inadequacy) that comes on suddenly with a word or act.  You may try to ignore it and go on, but more often than not, it just keeps going over and over in your mind as the day progresses and grows bigger and bigger - while your partner is unaware and has not thought about it at all.  Then your behavior is colored by this emotional pain and you may even start an argument when your partner has no idea what is going on with you. 
So, where do they come from?  We all have "filters" that color our perception and interpretation of events - personality, experiences, sensitivities, preferences, beliefs, etc. and it is the meaning we assign these events that influence our emotional reaction.  These happen so quickly that we may not even pay attention to our part in the process (this thinking - assigning of meaning).
So, how do we solve these puzzles and keep them from ruining a day or creating an argument?  Simply let the negative emotion be a cue to you to check out the intent with your partner (expecting the best) by just letting them know that when _____ was said or done, that did not feel good to me.  What were you intending to communicate or did you mean for my feelings to be hurt? etc.  This does two things: (1) it gives your partner a chance to clear up what may be a misunderstanding of the intended message on your part or (2) it gives your partner the chance to apologize for being critical or terse (all of us will have times when we could have been more pleasant about the way we express ourselves).
This works best when both partners know about "puzzles" and are willing to be kind when the other needs some reassurance.  If both will help in solving these puzzles many hurt feelings and angry days can be avoided while also providing opportunities to build one another up.
"But encourage one another daily, while it is called today.... Hebrews 3:13
Next: Complaints