Principle:  If you do not tell your partner what it is that you desire, you cannot expect that they will know.  Therefore, this is a responsibility that you have.
We often assume that they know what we want or if we have told them before that they know.  Sometimes it takes several times and several methods to communicate your desire in order for your partner to get it.  Before you think that too unreasonable, know that the same holds true with you - in other words, your partner sometimes has to communicate to you their desire several times and in several methods for you to get it!
And please let's put that unrealistic and irrational belief to bed that if you have to tell your partner what you want and then they do it, it really doesn't mean anything.  WRONG!  It might just mean that they love you.  After all, love is wanting the best for someone and being willing to take action to see that they get it.. 

Principle:  Couples are happiest when each is doing many of the things the other desires (Paul Hauck).
We are all motivated by "what's in it for us".  If both partners are taking this attitude toward one another, each is much more likely to be satisfied with the relationship.

In Behavioral Health the relationships and interactions of our "thinking", "emotions" and "behaviors" are often discussed as a way to explain how we might make psychological changes in our lives.  These are indeed important and need attention.  However, the spiritual is often ignored.  See the diagram below for a picture of how the spiritual encompasses everything and affects our thinking, emotions and behavior.  Everything has spiritual significance!                    Spiritual - Psychological Diagram

Creating a vision for your relationship is a motivating and connecting process.  March 17, 2012 I wrote about sharing hopes and dreams.   It could be out of those conversations that you develop that vision with your partner.  It may be helpful to formally write a vision statement, but it is at least worth having an actual “vision” (picture in your mind) of where you are and where you want to go with your partner.  This “vision” is collaboratively developed and shared if it is going to have the “connecting” quality.  Otherwise, it is just YOUR vision.  It does not have to be developed all at once and can change over time.

You cannot experience that vision without your partner, so it takes both of you doing everything you can to make it real, regardless of what
the other person is doing (note: assumes no abuse/ violence).  One of the things a vision does is help you stay focused.  Remembering the vision helps when conflict arises.  It keeps the focus on the prize as opposed to who might win a particular argument or successfully defend a position.  Ephesians 5:21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

Thinking of each other as a team, going after the same goal is important to the success of your relationship.  Having just finished the Olympics, just think how a successful relay team or volleyball team relies on one another.  Each will bring a different set of skills, but if one member judges another member to be less “worthy” and therefore determines to put less effort into winning, the team will surely have no success.   Colossians 3:23 And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;

So, create a vision with your partner and use it to keep the team on track and you will experience many successes together.

Principle: Each partner is responsible for their part of the solution regardless of how the other behaves.  One will never think things are fair and balanced, so the rule is to continue to do your part to make the relationship work regardless of the other’s actions.

Luke 6:31  Do to others as you would have them do to you.

If you determine your level of commitment based upon your judgment of your partner's level of commitment, it will not be long before you are not doing your part and will find yourself very disappointed, blaming the other.  So, you are responsible for 100% of your part - loving, honoring, and cherishing - no matter what.  This may sound like a hard rule, but it is the best opportunity for YOU to be satisfied/ happy.  Doing otherwise does not protect or serve you in any way.

Note:  The "no matter what" above assumes that there is no abuse/ violence.  When that is part of a relationship, the abused partner may  do the most loving thing by incorporating physical distance for protection and to disallow the abusing partner from having the opportunity to abuse.

Principle:  The management of one's emotions is a huge advantage to making a relationship work.
It is not necessary, however, to wait to have your own emotions PERFECTLY under control before you do everything you can to make your relationship successful.  None of us are perfectly managed ourselves!  When there is conflict or a strong negative emotional reaction within you related to your relationship, first check your own attitude.  You will come out ahead if you take the high road and treat your partner with loving kindness regardless of how you think they treated you.
1 Thessalonians 5:15
Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else.
Ephesians 4:32
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Principle: “Perception” does not equal “truth”.  It may be truth to you, but it is not necessarily an objective, snapshot of reality.
Just because you "see" things a certain way does not mean that is exactly how it is and it certainly does not mean that is how your partner "sees" it or intended it.  We tend to interpret events based upon our beliefs, experiences and predispositions.  We would do well to question and challenge those interpretations when they do not serve our best interests in the long run.

Principle: The happiest couples are those that are made up of two emotionally healthy individuals who elect to share their lives together.
 
If you are going to be sharing your life with someone, it pays to be kind!