You won’t find this in the DSM-IV and “no” it is not even a new diagnosis for the long anticipated DSM-V!  It has been discussed in the REBT circles for some time, however.  This is the phenomenon that often exemplifies the human condition where we decide to take the more comfortable approach seeking that short-term gain vs. being a bit more disciplined or hard-working in an effort to realize longer-term benefits. You know what I am talking about. It’s that quick cookie, sweet snack, bag of chips, and sleeping in
instead of going to the gym or putting off a difficult task like studying for a test by playing video games.  We’ve all done it.  There is
no shame (that’s not helpful), but if we understand our inherent tendency to choose the “right now”pleasure, we will be more likely to delay that gratification for higher order goals and priorities.

In many ways, discomfort anxiety describes the process of addiction where we use a variety of means to avoid pain of some kind (may be in our awareness and may not) and generally, these means tend to work – for awhile.  At some point, the means can develop into habits that tend to take on a life of their own and create numerous problems and increased pain for us in the long
run.

Could it be that our current society/ culture is conditioning us for an increase in discomfort anxiety? Fast food, technological advances, high-speed travel, instant communication, and even urgent care centers continue to make life easier and easier for us to get what we want; thus, the less tolerant we have become when we do not get what we want.  You know: flat tire on the way to work, an interruption to your busy schedule, the cable goes out, your cell phone goes dead…. 

We are going to experience discomfort from losses in our lives, outside sources beyond anyone’s control – like natural or man-made disasters or from our own frustrations in striving to accomplish meaningful goals/ tasks.  We would do well to purposefully work toward developing High Frustration Tolerance - perseverance.  We do that by challenging the belief that “I must not experience discomfort.” and realizing that we have a great capacity for surviving and overcoming. If we are willing to tolerate the discomfort necessarily associated with the pursuit of those higher order goals and priorities, we will be glad we did as we reap the
benefits.

My plan for the New Year is to follow my own advice and be careful not to take the easy way out when the more difficult path could lead to greater long term satisfaction with less pain! You want to join me?

Wow!  This time last year we here at the Office of Behavioral Health were busy developing and revising plans for the merging of OAD and OMH.  It seems like so long ago and so recent at the same time.  We have lost some very good friends to layoffs this year and a few others have gone on to do different things.  Yet we who remain are finding opportunities to make new friends and new collaborations while we march on with the transformation of our OBH system.  This has been a stressful year and there have been and continue to be so many new things that are being asked of us and often we have very little explanation as to why they are needed or what they are to accomplish.  I generally like to know why I am doing a thing, don’t you?  But the truth is that we never really know what to expect.  Our lives can change in a minute which is why we do well to have a solid foundation as to our value system and in whom we have our trust - Jesus, the real reason for this season.

This is a great time of the year to connect with those things that really matter and look forward to the new year with expectation and planned effort to make a difference and to survive and overcome whatever may come.  As issues arise and they will, don't be surprised - just make adjustments!  You know that “flexibility” is a sign of good mental health, right!  Let’s all just try to keep things in perspective (no matter the changes we face) and take it one day at a time.  Let's persevere and commit ourselves to our own "recovery" (a wellness approach to life that balances family, work, recreation, creative pursuits, etc. with our spiritual focus holding it all together and providinig meaning).  I look forward to a New Year and the opportunities it will bring.  May we discover the blessings that are waiting for us in it.

If there is anything I can do to assist you, please let me know.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

I was recently reminded of a definition for "forgiveness" that I had heard in a Cross Country Ed program presented by Michael Ceo that provoked me to think about forgiveness in a way I had not before - "Forgiveness is giving up the hope of a better past."

Think about it.  Can we change our past?  No, of course not.  What we can do is change the attribution we assign to our past - in other words, we can change the meaning we make of the past.  As another friend of mine (Gary Levine) says, "Our past is not our future."

No amount of anxiety, fretting, anger, etc. is going to do a thing to change mistakes we have made or unfortunate situations that we have experienced; but if we use our energy to move forward in our pursuit of happiness (engaging in those activities that bring satisfaction and meaning) we will overcome, have a greater sense of freedom and will do a better job of fogiving ourselves and others.

Most of us know that being perfect really is not possible, because we humans do not even live up to our own standards on a consistent basis.  At the same time we often tend to blame ourselves severely when we engage in certain undesireable behaviors.  We may even determine that we are worthless or deserve to suffer.  This line of thinking leads us no where good!  None of us are different in that we are all imperfect.  We do well to give up the idea that perfection is something that can be obtained while we are here on this earth and learn to forgive ourselves.  We forgive ourselves by (1) relieving ourselves of punishment, (2) accepting the pain of remorse; (3) learning from the experience; and (4) making another choice pursuing our goals.

The gift of forgiveness allows us to maintain motivation to continue striving for improving our life, behavior and circumstances; but let's not confuse self-improvement with perfection.  I find that changing our thinking to allow ourself "self-acceptance" in spite of our failings is a much more powerful position in terms of our experiencing competence and general satisfaction in life.  Just because we all have failings, we never become "FAILURES".  This line of thinking is supported by Christian belief in a benevolent, loving God who forgives and forgives and forgives.  While we may miss out on the benefits of more effective behaviors, making mistakes do not disqualify us from the race or keep God from loving us.