Mark S. DeBord, LCSW, LLC
  • Home
  • Therapeutic Approach
  • Forms
  • Rates
  • Contact
  • Counselor's Corner
  • Links & Resources

Loneliness

2/27/2015

0 Comments

 
I can’t help but date myself when I tell you that the first thing that comes to mind with this title is the song by Grand Funk Railroad (I am listening to it as I write this!).

I had the occasion to address this topic with someone recently and I was surprised that I had not written about this before now.  Loneliness is oft equated, and I think confused, with being alone.  Being alone is just a factual state when one is by themselves.  One can be alone without being lonely.   One can be lonely in a crowd.  First, appreciating being alone likely puts us in a better position to better connect to others as we are less needy/ desperate which is generally not attractive.

We often approach loneliness as only something that needs to be cured, gotten rid of, and relieved as soon as possible – once again, which puts in that position of being needy and desperate relying on someone else to satisfy or relieve the discomfort.  This would be an example of the unhealthy negative emotion of loneliness (see Healthy vs. Unhealthy Emotions posted (06/26/2012).

Instead, we would do better to treat loneliness as the useful/ healthy emotion that it can be by understanding that it motivates us to connect with others as we are designed to do in varying degrees.

We have a great influence on whether or not we are alone in that we can go to public places and be around other people; however, we have limited control over whether or not we “connect” with others as that partially depends on them and their desire to “connect” with us.  We are in a much better position to attract others when we are comfortable being alone; thus, taking care of our business – caring for ourselves physically, paying attention to our appearance, keeping our house reasonably clean and in some sense of order, working or being involved productively, paying bills, etc.  So, when we are not in a position to connect with others, our task is to enjoy caring for ourselves; then, when the opportunity presents itself, we will be in a good position to connect.

Loneliness serves the purpose of driving us to connect with God first and then others: family, friends, work relations, community contacts, those with whom we do business, neighbors, and romantic interests.  Warning: The hardest of these is the romantic interest, so it’s best to be patient and focus on the others and then the romantic is more likely to come.
0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Mark S. DeBord, LCSW, LLC
    COMMENTS ARE WELCOME, BUT NOTE THAT YOUR NAME WILL APPEAR, SO YOU MAY WANT TO USE INITIALS OR ONLY FIRST NAME, ETC.

    Subscribe to Mark S. DeBord, LCSW, LLC - Counselor's Corner by Email

    RSS Feed

    Categories

    All
    Behavioral Health
    Christian/ Spiritual
    Inspiration
    Relationships

    Archives

    July 2022
    August 2021
    April 2021
    December 2019
    December 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    February 2018
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    March 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    July 2015
    February 2015
    December 2014
    August 2014
    June 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.