Mark S. DeBord, LCSW, LLC
  • Home
  • Therapeutic Approach
  • Forms
  • Rates
  • Contact
  • Counselor's Corner
  • Links & Resources

Reconciliation

3/18/2014

0 Comments

 
Reconciliation is a process of restoring a relationship – bringing the parties back into a “right” relationship.  This is an often misunderstood concept, especially by those who like to think of themselves as moral.

Reconciliation involves forgiveness which is the letting go of the perceived right to punish or apply a sanction for a perceived wrong suffered.  An easy example is if I owe you $5 and you say, “Don’t worry about it, it’s fine!” I no longer owe you $5.  You have forgiven the debt.  In relationships, violations are not as concrete, but the principle still applies.  Forgiveness is a gift that you give yourself and the other person(s).  You can forgive all by yourself and without an apology being offered.  Here is where the misunderstanding comes.  Often people think that they have not forgiven, if they have not reconciled; but the two processes are very different.

Unlike forgiveness, reconciliation involves both parties.  In order to restore a right relationship, the violating party has to apologize and commit to different behavior in the future.  Then it is possible for the wronged party to agree to renegotiate the relationship with a forgiving attitude.  Without the renegotiation the reconciliation is superficial and likely will not last as the two parties do not have an agreed upon standard of behavior which makes them more vulnerable to further conflict and disappointment.

Sometimes, there is a violation or series of violations that rise to the level of being a “deal breaker” in terms of reconciliation.  Take, for example, an employee who continually fails to follow policy.  That employee may apologize over and again, but at some point that employee will lose his opportunity to work in that business – forgiveness may occur, but reconciliation does not.  This can actually be a “loving” act, because otherwise the message is sent that it is okay to continually ignore policy.  By applying the sanction and deciding not to reconcile, you may be doing that person a favor by giving them the opportunity to learn a better pattern of work behavior.  Sometimes, once the two parties begin their negotiations, one may determine that they are unable to come to terms that are satisfactory.

So, just because one forgives, reconciliation does not have to happen.

Picture
Responsibility of the one who committed the violation.
Picture
Responsibility of the one violated.
0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Mark S. DeBord, LCSW, LLC
    COMMENTS ARE WELCOME, BUT NOTE THAT YOUR NAME WILL APPEAR, SO YOU MAY WANT TO USE INITIALS OR ONLY FIRST NAME, ETC.

    Subscribe to Mark S. DeBord, LCSW, LLC - Counselor's Corner by Email

    RSS Feed

    Categories

    All
    Behavioral Health
    Christian/ Spiritual
    Inspiration
    Relationships

    Archives

    July 2022
    August 2021
    April 2021
    December 2019
    December 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    February 2018
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    March 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    July 2015
    February 2015
    December 2014
    August 2014
    June 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.