Proverbs 26:17 Like one who grabs a stray dog by the ears is someone who rushes into a quarrel not their own.

We know Proverbs to be “wisdom” literature. Indeed, there is much wisdom in Proverbs! This verse caught my attention recently as it seems that often people try to insert themselves when it would be wise to stay out of it. This is most clearly true when it comes to arguments or disagreements between friends or family and one of the parties asks for your input! It may be best to simply refrain from voicing your opinion unless the disagreement poses danger to someone. Then maybe it’s worth the risk to intervene. However, I would suspect this is more the exception than the rule.
This may also apply to situations when people think another adult needs our advice and they have not asked for it! (It’s a parent’s job to give advice to their child.) If it is important enough to share your thoughts on such a topic, it is best to do so in a non-judgmental manner – in other words, share your thoughts in an attitude of wanting the best for that person, leaving them to do what they will with the information. You may even share the information just as your preference or what you would like to see in a non-demanding way. Ultimately, they have to be responsible for their own decisions.
Another situation is with gossip. Two or more people are discussing someone who is not present and giving opinions and advice, usually negative, concerning their activities or actions. Be careful to avoid being judgmental.
So, don’t go grabbing the ears of stray dogs! It may keep you from getting bitten!

Isn’t it strange that men care so much about this brief life and so little about eternity?! – Gail DeBord

Luke 13:5b “….unless you repent, you too will all perish.” (NIV)
John 10:10b I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. (The New King James)
John 14:2-3 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.” (NIV)

Isn’t it strange that men care so much about this brief life and so little about eternity even when the price of our admission has been paid in full?

(Based on Dad’s sermon titled: Keep Out of the Fire! – Luke 16:19-31)

“Meaningless! Meaningless!”
    says the Teacher.
“Utterly meaningless!
    Everything is meaningless.”
                                Ecc 1:2
Most of us look for meaning in our lives. This seems to be consistent with existential philosophical thought. When people do sense meaning in their lives (sense that they matter) they tend to do better and be more satisfied with life in general. When we are experiencing times of transition we tend to re-evaluate and re-define what that meaning looks like in the new situation. Depressed? Find what is satisfying and meaningful. Anxious? Find security in the Creator of the Universe. There are too many unexplainable things that go on in the world and trusting God is how I have found to tolerate the uncertainty. God loved us first and chose us, but we are expected/ given the freedom to participate. It is in the participation that benefit and meaning are realized.

We all have a God given ability and responsibility to make choices that have the potential to benefit us (inherent self-worth). The most important choice is for Jesus and all the following choices involve living out the Biblical “commands”/ principles which are designed for our good – beneficial guidance for living. So, whether in self-reflection, mindfulness, sorrow or celebration it is our essence to live in recognition and under the authority of our Creator. The sooner in life we realize this truth the better, but any time is the right time!
How does one pursue happiness/ contentment? In non-judgmental, self-acceptance one uses their self-worth and chooses to engage in satisfying and meaningful activity that will only be fully realized in following Jesus. The most important things in life are spiritual and everything has spiritual significance.
​
We can wear ourselves out studying and searching for the meaning of life, but the writer of Ecclesiastes has summed it up.
Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body.
Now all has been heard;
    here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
    for this is the duty of all mankind.
                                Ecc 12:12b-13

Narcissism has been talked about a great deal in recent years. No one aspires to narcissism. Finding the balance or sweet spot of self-acceptance without being either narcissistic or self-deprecating can be a challenging process.

​Let’s face it, none of us is fully competent and adequate in all things and at all times. When we fail at something or even many things, we can conclude that we are worthless when it simply means we are not thoroughly competent in all things.  We do best when we are able to rely on one another and interact interdependently so our various skills can be pooled. Social-interest involves living morally and protecting/ respecting rights of others which is useful in reaching more of our own goals. Stepping on others or looking down on others will backfire on us in the long run; so, self-interest and social-interest are compatible.

So how might we arrive at that unconditional self-acceptance? Recognizing that we are fallible human beings and yet have a built-in, God-given ability and responsibility to make choices that have the potential to benefit us (my definition of self-worth). From a spiritual perspective, making a choice for Jesus is the most important decision one can make. All other choices have to do with obedience to Him. It is in relationship to Jesus that we can fully and unconditionally accept ourselves as there is no condemnation in Jesus and an abundance of grace/ forgiveness to cover our fallibility.

March 21, 2021, our Pastor, Michael Wood, proposed some questions that can help us know when we are living in humble submission and in total reliance on God:

1. Is this what God would have for me and am I leaning on Him vs my own understanding?
2. How does this decision line up with God’s Word, the Bible?
3. How does this decision position me to “See To It” that no one misses the grace of God?
4. In seasons of difficulty, am I trusting my ability to get out of it or am I depending on God to get me out (in His time and way)?

When we recognize that we are fallible humans who are loved by God we can accept ourselves while humbly relying on Him to direct us in our decision making without thinking too much of ourselves or too little of ourselves. If we treat others similarly as fallible humans loved by God, we will be more inclined to treat others well (a reflection of our love for God) which helps us all get along better in this life.

Psalm 139: 13-14
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

​Christmas is full of planning and gift giving.  How fun it is to receive a gift that was carefully planned and chosen by someone who loves you.  I recall one such gift from “Santa” when I was in about the third grade – a Spider Mark VII bike with a tiger striped banana seat!  It was great for “popping wheelies”!  I delivered many newspapers on that bike a few years later.  Life was good!

It may be at least as fun to carefully consider a gift selection for someone you care about that required significant cost (time and/or money). Then seeing the joy on their face when they receive it lets you know it was worth it!  As you think about gifts this Christmas, remember the Creator of the Universe planned well in advance the Greatest Gift of All (Isaiah 7:14; Isaiah 9:6 and Isaiah 53:1-12).  This gift of the Messiah, Jesus, provided for all of us the opportunity for a full, abundant life - Our BEST life, now and forever (John 10:10).

What we do with that gift makes all the difference in the world. God in His Holiness cannot ignore sin and none of us live up to our own standards all the time, so we certainly do not live up to God’s (Romans 3:23).  Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” The good news is that God had planned from the beginning that Jesus, The Lamb of God, would pay the debt on our behalf (Romans 5:8).  All we have to do is receive the gift (John 1:12) and follow Him (Romans 6:18).

​This Christmas don’t miss the Greatest Gift of All!

Quote from Madame Secretary Season 4, Episode 21.  (Although the context for the quote is in political, when I heard this it reminded me that the principle applies in many relationships.)
 
“I believe in this work.
In diplomacy, if you don’t lay the right groundwork or say things in the right way,
Your message just doesn’t get through.
Wars have broken out over simple misunderstandings or lack of respect.”
 
When we consider our parenting, even our own spouse and other important relationships; keeping the big picture in mind is helpful as we communicate.  First, it is important to believe and remember that we believe in the higher priority of the relationship – “Higher than what?”, you ask. – most anything!  It is too easy to get caught up in our own world of concerns and forget to pay attention to what matters most.  Maybe it is a minor infraction by our child and we angrily raise our voice – what is communicated is anger, disrespect, and disregard – what was intended was to address the infraction in love to minimize the likelihood of it happening again; thus, maintaining the relationship.

Laying the groundwork is an ongoing effort that includes spending quality time, conversating, expressing appreciation and value over time.

True, there is no perfectly right way to say a thing and one cannot be responsible for the way someone interprets the communique; but it is important to make an effort to be tactful, respectful and speak in a normal volume without “snacasm” (snarky and sarcastic), disgust or down-grading expressions.  It is helpful to communicate your love and care as your primary intention as this is the foundation of the relationship – then ask for what you want realizing you cannot demand it – the other person, even a child, has a will of their own.  If that will is broken, the relationship will be broken.

Don’t let a simple misunderstanding or lack of respect be the undoing of those things that are most important – relationships.

Note: There may be good reasons to break a particular relationship, even close family relationships; but we would do well to be the one that seeks to understand, who is respectful even when imposing boundaries such that we are not the main reason for someone to breakoff relationship with us.

We tend to get even more self-centered than usual when things are going well and just act as if we are fully responsible for obtaining this fortunate situation.  Then we convince ourselves that we deserve even more of this ease and good fortune, so we make choices that promise immediate results and we conclude that we are immune to the consequences.  We may be choosing to satisfy an immediate desire, even a natural desire, but often those short-sighted choices have longer term negative consequences; however, it is only after suffering those consequences that we think or say, “Why did I do that? I knew that was not going to be good!”  It seemed like a good idea at the time, because we had concluded that we were large and in charge!

Consider the principle: we cannot have this without that and we cannot have that without letting go of this.

When things are not going well, we may conclude that we are hopelessly incompetent and that conclusion then removes any motivation to even try and that leads to nowhere good.  We may even purposefully make choices that we suspect will lead to difficulty in order to punish ourselves as somehow we will prove our incompetence or unworthiness.  We will punish ourselves, in other words.  Throwing caution to the wind like this can be rather dangerous and leave lasting scars.

Concluding that we are hopelessly incompetent is also a false conclusion.  We are neither “all that” nor are we “nothing”.  We all have a God-given ability and responsibility to make choices that have the potential to benefit us and the more purposefully we use that ability for our good and the good of others, the more long-term benefit.

So, it is in our nature to sabotage ourselves when things are going well and when things are not going well – but humans are a higher order of living creation and are spirit/soul and are able to choose to oppose our nature for a better state.  Sure, we want to be in comfort, want to put out least amount of effort, and want the quick relief.  When we take that to the extreme it is easy to see that it does not work in the long run – it is tempting, because it does work right now – yet, if we opt for the most convenient food and drink we become unhealthy, if we opt for the least amount of physical exertion we become weak, if we opt for the least effort in our education we miss out on being able to appreciate the mysteries and beauty of creation, and if we opt for the least effort in work we find ourselves unsatisfied and lacking financial means to maintain even our life of comfort.

Al Ellis (psychologist) said that we all (none of us are immune) have a tendency to think and act in an unhealthy and a healthy manner – this is largely the difference in looking for a short-term solution vs longer-term solution.   This does not mean that some things cannot work in both the short-run and long-run, but too often the short-term fix leads to more problems; therefore, it bears being mindful when making choices (using your self-worth).

We will enjoy the journey of life more when we neither think of ourselves as “all that” nor “hopelessly incompetent” – simply accept yourself while continuing to learn and grow more each day!  Consider this:
Not by might, nor by power, but My spirit says the Lord of Hosts – Zech 4:6
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. – Col 3:23-24
When we take this spiritual outlook, we rely on God’s working in our life and we realize our true purpose which then gives life meaning.  With that perspective we are much less likely to self-sabotage.

“As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God” – 1 Peter 4:10

Service is not always something highly esteemed or a position eagerly sought after.  However, it is a position to which we might wish to give more consideration.  It is generally accepted in behavioral health that it is personally beneficial to be helpful to others; it is desirable to have the ability to understand another person’s perspective (empathy) and to be compassionate to others.  Yet, it seems we people are becoming more and more divided.  The differences are less the problem than our demand to defend a position to the point of verbally (at least) destroying people who disagree.  If one so believes in their truth, there is no need to destroy the opposition.  That is not a particularly effective strategy in convincing another anyway.

There are a couple of things I found compelling in the verse above.   One, that it refers to “EACH“ of us – meaning ALL of us people.  Two, that each “HAS received a SPECIAL gift”.  Three, that gift is to be used in service of others.  Four, that gift was given by the grace of God.

Too often people do not see the value in themselves whether that is their value to themselves or to others.  When that is the case, they tend to be rather angry and certainly do not seek to use their gifts to serve one another.  If they do, they often serve as a method of receiving which many times ends in disappointment.  If we serve as unto the Lord, the reaction of others in the short run is less disturbing. The service is most beneficial when performed for the inherent value of serving – keeping the big picture and long run in mind which involves adding value to the world by using our God-given gifts to make the world a better place.  Although it is paradoxical, this approach is how we people are going to do better individually and collectively.

Behavioral Health professionals and their clients tend to spend much of their time on the problems (which may be defendable), but it might be that we would do well to spend time looking for what is right with us.  If we spent more time looking for what is right with ourselves and in each other, we might find it easier to find commonality and seek ways to serve one another.  This approach has promise, in my opinion, to narrow the divide and increase connection.  We can agree to disagree while respecting each other as each having a special gift.

Service is an ACTION.  It involves DOING.  Doing is better than stewing (paraphrase of an Albert Ellis quote).  Doing (behavioral activation) is commonly recommended as a way to relieve depression.  Another commonly known phrase is “be the change you want to see”.

Let 1 Peter 4:10 ring true for you.  Recognize that God gave you a gift – likely many!  Find some way to serve others and add value to your life, theirs and the world.

Matt 5:10-12
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  11 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

We like things to be fair unless that translates into discomfort for us.  We would rather avoid persecution even if we are at fault, much less if it isn’t!  Yet, here we find a great paradox – the one who is persecuted for righteousness is happy!  Notice, the scripture does not say that one is happy because they are being persecuted, but that the one who is following righteousness (Jesus) will be happy, because they know that heaven awaits them.  No one enjoys being insulted or having their name tarnished by lies.

When we love Jesus, we set our intentions and minds on following His plan for our life, realizing that He knows best.  He is Lord which means that we have determined to align our will with His (“Thy will be done!”).  After all the Creator of the universe likely knows best!  Psalm 37:4 Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.  At least one meaning of taking delight in the Lord is that we are aligning our will with His and our deepest desire is to be in his presence which will be fully realized in heaven.  Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. The Lord knows best.

When we determine to follow Jesus, we will be opposed; because the world does not want light where there is darkness (John 15:18 If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.).  Those attempting to find short cuts to happiness will oppose those following Jesus as His ways call for actions that do not make sense to the world – they are spiritually discerned (1 Corinthians 2:14 The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit.).  Following Jesus may not be the easiest path (Matthew 7:13-14 Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.), but perfect communion with Jesus in heaven is the ultimate reward.  It is not earned by being a good follower, but it is a gift that is received and therefore prompts one to follow (Eph 2:8-9 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast.).

So, when we are persecuted for the sake of Jesus (out of our following), we are to rejoice and be glad – NOT for the discomfort/ pain/ rejection/ ridicule; but because there is a place prepared in heaven for us (John 14:2-3 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.).  By the way, you are in good company – the prophets were also persecuted.

Happy are those who claim the name of Jesus, even when persecuted.